Monday, June 29, 2009

A Letter To Her;

I've always been, at heart, much more a fighter than a lover. Oh, sure, I pride myself on a clever tongue and an impossibly quick wit, but these tools have always been put to much less romantically inclined use. Do I regret now, being in the position wherein I must act for greater goods and put selves before my own, not having done so earlier? No. Of course not. Loving and Fighting are two incredibly similar things, after all.

Still, I had a finer appreciation of the game when my own heart was not the ante on the table. I suppose it's the nature of the beast! All the same, it's leading to a place I've never been and I fear that my lack of direction will send us down paths better left untrodden.

I'm teaching myself the fine art of holding my tongue and learned to silence the massive monster that is my ego. Still, I'm left with that bittersweet feeling that it could never be enough to make me worthy. That I am, at best, a pale imitation of someone made for this dance. Time alone will tell.

'Til then, I fear my mistakes will be great and many and for them all, regardless of how tiny, I apologize profusely. I can only learn from the knees I scrape in trying to be good enough. I pray you've the patience, because I plan to make it all quite worth the while. Where now, I can't help but cross lines and crawl under your skin, I hope to someday light up your eyes.

All this to say that I've still got a lot to learn, but I'm trying my hardest to be the one whose name you can't keep off your tongue. I promise, I'll be second to none.

1 comment:

harlequin said...

I wouldn't worry so much Jav. You're incredibly charming and intelligent. Sometimes it just takes alot of patience and will to let that shine through to those you love the most..slowly but surely, if she's got any substance at all (which I'm guessing she does, you wouldn't go for a twit would you) she will see you in a light that no one else does.

I hope this works out for you. I know it will help you sleep better at night.

hugs.