Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Wash His Name Off Your Tongue, I'll Be Second To None!

When confronted with awkward and, sometimes inconvenient truths, it is often easier to act as if we had never learned it at all, rather than make the necessary changes, or move on. Still, actions will always speak louder than words and nothing learned can quickly be forgotten. That said, what to do when you learn that all is not as it seems? Is it better to always seek the truth, knowing full well that it may do, or worse, undo? Or, is it more prudent to accept what is at face value and await the impending calamity that always is the coming to light of things? After all, nothing stays buried forever. In this electronic, scientific day and age, even secrets taken to the grave may soon be exposed to the light of day. What then?

As a side note, why is it that the present and the past are constantly juxtaposed, or made to be compared? It seems as if there is a rather unsettling habit among people to cherish what was, and through it, downplay what is. Lovers to former lovers, friends to their former selves, or friends who came before them, even homes to former residences. And do we ever really move on, or do we simply look for more of the same? Other things to remind us of what we had, and when that is lost, things to remind us then of those things too.

Can't we ever just be happy with the things we have?

Call it a sin of pride, but especially for me, nothing annoys me more than being compared to another person, or generalized. I feel as if it devalues the individual. Of course many people will have similarities, be they physical or psychological, in our interests or our mannerisms, but that does not equate to us being the same person or type of person. No one should ever be compared to anyone else, as we're all our own beings, complete with our own unique perspective, and should be afforded that basic respect.

I live entirely too much inside my head, I fear it's a result of not having enough to do these long nights. Worse, my sleeping pills have already begun to lose their impact. I'm not to saddened by this, as they tend to induce the most disturbing dreams. Chrissy, if you read this, come chat me up sometime. I had quite an interesting one with you in it.

Despite the bitter overtones in this rant, I've actually been in good spirits lately. Sure, sleep has been all but non-existent and things grow more complicated by the day, but I feel as if it's all looking up. Lots of firsts, lots of new experiences, and strangely, lots of smiles in the life of Jav.

Here's hoping it continues this way.


Victoria said...

i hate everything equally - past, present, and probably future.

fuck everything. i'm going to halifax.

(for the first time in all the years you have been hearing me say that, it is finally happening.)

i am glad you're happy, you deserve it.

xo v

Melissa said...

smiling suits you :).
ps. i want more chinatown, this time on a sunny day. said...

love your writing....