Sunday, April 5, 2009


Insomnia, tonight was the last straw. I've endured you long enough. I hate hospitals. Absolutely loathe and despise hospitals. I always have and I think I always will.

Tonight was strange in general and I should have known something was up, but far be it from me to listen to what my body has to say. I've had a killer headache all day from the exhaustion, on top of having absolutely no energy at all. I hate canceling plans and more than anything, I hate breaking promises, and I hate to do both those things tonight just for how absolutely shitty I felt.

Deciding to rest, I grabbed my laptop and sat down on my bed, tried to kill some time and hopefully, just maybe get some sleep. Apparently that wasn't in the cards for me, howevI er. One second, I'm firing off rounds into zombie-brains online, next thing I know, someone is calling my name, I can't breathe and have this terrible taste in my mouth.

Turns out I had blacked out and fallen face first off my bed. The fall busted open my nose and both the bad taste and reason I couldn't breathe was for all the blood. My mother, who I'm guessing heard me fall, found me on the floor. I was sure I was fine and went to clean myself up, but oddly, the bleeding hadn't stopped. I was starting to feel light-headed and slightly nauseous. I'm told that bleeding for an extended length of time out of your face will do this to a person.

I must've blacked out, because the next thing I knew, I was sitting in the backseat of my Father's truck, on my way to the hospital. I wanted to die then and there. The rest of the drive may as well have been hell for me.

An hour of waiting in that lobby, watching everyone else was enough to have me shaking. Thankfully, the only thing I could smell was blood thanks to my fall, because anything is better than the smell of sterilized death that hospitals reek of. Finally, someone saw me. Lots of stupid questions, blood tests, bright lights in my eyes, other things I don't understand and all for them to tell me something I already knew. Extreme exhaustion, prone to blacking out, best cure is rest, blahblahblah. Sent on my not-so-merry way, though I was glad to be getting out of there at least.

Got a prescription written for sleeping pills. Don't really want to take them, but I do want to get some sleep. The worst part was I just keep thinking "I should've just gone out tonight." Especially because there was someone I really wanted to see...

I still have my headache, too.

I call do-overs on today.


christina d said...

jav, take care of yourself :( and GET SOME SLEEP!

Melissa said...

i second christina. i don't like taking pills, either, but you really do need to sleep. it really does suck to cancel plans but your health is more important. lots of good times to be had in a few days, after all :)

Anonymous said...

wow, that's so scary! i love sleep! I'd hate for it not to join me in my lovely bed.
Thankgoodness you didn't break your nose. Blackouts scare me.

harlequin said...

get some sleep? clearly easier said than done. Have you tried the pills yet? If so, are they working?

Shit Jav, I can't say I feel your pain, I can't even begin to imagine. And I think I have it bad when I barely get a solid 8 hours of sleep. I'm spoiled.

How's your nose doing? Do keep me posted, I'm truly concerned. Get well super soon <3