Something is in the air. I don't know what, but I can feel it. It's coming with the Spring and it feels good. I've had this excitement about me the last few days. I don't so much have that sinking ship feeling. Instead, it feels like she already went down and now I'm floating along, alone at sea on driftwood and I'm headed somewhere new. Of course, it's exciting. I've always been one for newness and adventure, but drifting is such a lonesome affair.
My life is starting to resemble an actual life again, and not just an ongoing sequence of routine, gravitated around academic and monetary obligations. Can't be sure that this will end well, but if I never take the chance, how will I know?
The semester is drawing near to it's end and as can be expected of me, I'm hilariously behind on my work. The stress that comes with it, however, is gone. It's sort of liberating. I trust myself, though. I know it will get done, I know I'll be fine. This new optimism is strange to me, but I'm liking it.
In keeping with Spring cleaning, I've emptied out my iPod and filled it up with music that feels appropriate. Essentially it's the new Metric, Camera Obscura and New Found Glory albums on endless repeat, with the occasional pause for Girl Talk for late-night dance sessions across the bedroom floor.
I know that nothing is going to make sense. I know things can and will get messy again, and I know I'll get lost again and again. I need to remember that it's fine. Taking chances used to be so easy, it's time we stopped being afraid of risks or consequences.
I've fallen back in love with 4 am. I drunkenly stumbled back into her arms Saturday night, with my first genuine smile in a long, long time. I managed to sleep for the first time in a while that morning. It was nice.
Now, for tonight! I've got a spoon, a full container of nutella and season 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer to keep me fueled 'til morning.
I'll leave you all with this, because it is absolutely pant-wetting. I am so absolutely excited for this movie, you can't possibly understand.