Monday, December 29, 2008

Distant Promise.

Right, so, I'm still alive. At least, I think I might be. Whatever passes for living these days, I suppose. My apologies for the long absence. In truth, I meant to write several times during the last bit, but never could find anything worth saying. I still don't have anything, but I'll make due some how, I suppose.

Christmas is behind us, thankfully. Now there is a holiday I could do without. Mine was spent in the cold comfort of an empty house, save for a few hours where my cousins came over. She's only three years older than I am, but already married and well into her career as a pediatrician. Go figure! Normally, hearing of her success would unsettle me slightly, as I'm sure my future is not nearly as certain as hers seems to be, but lately? I've take some strange comfort in not knowing where the road I'm on will take me. It seems like all the adventure and wonder in life is slowly fading away. There are no great mysteries, no unexplored continents, no savage, secret tribes of man to bring us back in touch with that primitive, instinctual animal we once were. So, I'm not going to sit here and wonder if my life will be significant anymore, or if I will find some way to leave my mark. After all, in the end, there is only the journey for me. End results have become too fashionable, I want none of it. If this is the only adventure left to us, better that I don't see where it all is headed!

New Years Eve is coming up! Ha, do I have plans yet? We'll see. That's not important. 2009 is going to be the start of something grand, you'll see. I normally never make resolutions for myself, a promise is a terrible thing to break after all, but this is a time for fresh starts and I need to hold myself to this. So, that said, my resolution for 2009 is simply to live. Vague, I know, but I find that we all get too bogged down in the daily routines of our lives to ever really do anything worthwhile. It's great that we're working towards something, but I want more. I need more. 2009 is going to be less dreary, less repetitive. I think some of you will understand better than others when I say the past is done and it's time to stop dwelling on it, trying to hold onto ghosts and memories, wishful thinking and what ifs. I'm putting that away.

I've been thinking a lot of the ocean lately. Actually, I think a lot of us have, at least people that I've been speaking to. I lay down and sometimes, I can even hear the waves crash, feel the tide pulling at my limbs to drag me out to sea. I haven't been outside Montreal in far too long, that needs to change.

Have any of you ever heard a song that brought you to your knees? A melody that gave you goosebumps, or made the hairs on your arms and the back of your neck stand still? Has there ever been a tune that moved you to tears, or even simply moved you at all? I'd love to hear about it.

I've found a few of the songs that do it for me, ironically these are all from video games, but the music is brilliantly composed on it's own and I'd like to share it with anyone reading this. This first one in particular overwhelmed me when I first heard it, to the point that I was rendered speechless and could't stop shaking. I can't find a version that has the whole version intact, so I'll link them separately.

part 2:

This second piece is the embodiment of the spirit of all I've tried to write here, tonight.


sabster. said...

This might sound silly, but I bawled for days when I heard Fix You by Coldplay for the first time after my dad died.

Melissa said...

The ocean. mmm. I know how you feel, of course. I would give anything to be back there.

I'm trying to think of a specific song which made me feel the way you have described, and there is more than one. Sometimes by City and Color is one that sticks out for me right now. It hits me hard every time.

Have a good time tonight. I want to play rockband! :(

jav said...

Sabrina: That's not silly at all. Actually, I know of a few people with an emotional attachment to that song. Sorry to hear it's such a tragic response, however. <3

Mel: Dallas' voice alone, in any instance, is usually enough to give people goosebumps. If any come to mind, let me know!

Josh on the Bside said...

I used to think the only undiscovered territory has the human mind. i sought to understand it and feel as if i was conquering new and untamed territory. however i feel that humanity has been understood and it's a bleak and depressing place to walk around.

i think the flagpole in the wind is the only assuring thing for people like us. it's almost assuring to not be assured of a basic life but rather an unpredictable and exciting adventure. it's our one shot, might as well have fun with it

gilda said...

Next time italy wins I'll make the special trip. I'm sorry you still can't sleep. My insomnia comes and goes...i slept 17 hours the other day and woke up with a blistering migraine. I miss you!