Sunday, November 30, 2008

Rant Time With Javvy (May Offend.)

I've decided that every so often, I'm going to write up a little rant here, pertaining to whatever is fueling my ire at that moment. I'll try to limit them to as little as once a week if at all, so as not to go overboard and offend anyone that may read this, but I can promise you that not many nice things are going to be said.

Pressing on! This little story is based on my experiences today. I don't know what it is about me, but it seems that I'm a magnet for weird and hilarious occurrences. This morning, I went downtown to get a little shopping done. For the most part, I was only interested in finding some new books to read over my winter break, but also ended up splurging on a new pair of shoes. Nothing strange so far, right?

Walking back toward McGill, this older looking man and a young woman, who I can only presume to have been his daughter, asked me if I was willing to join them in celebrating celibacy. ...Excuse me, what? I couldn't help but laugh, I mean, what? The young woman started explaining to me that she was willingly waiting until marriage before she gave away her "flower". It was a promise she made with herself, her father and the invisible space-man in the sky that her cult of wackos worship. Then, she lifted up her hand to show me her ring finger, where she sported one of those tacky rings that those disney kids are all on about these days. I wanted to vomit. With everything going on in our world today, do they honestly think that preaching about abstenance and celibicacy is the right thing to do? These are the same cult-mentality morons who opposed the vaccinations to the HPV virus because, apparently, curing STDs leads to promiscuity! Now, I didn't want to start a scene then and there, despite my overwhelming urge to spew acidic bile all over the awkward pair. Instead, I nodded politely, smiled, and told them that while I appreciated their concern, my beliefs were not theirs. This prompted the older man to ask me the question that, without fail, will drive me up a fucking wall.

"Son, have you accepted Jesus into your life?"

I had to bite down on my tongue not to turn around and launch into a violent rant. I can ignore the obvious irrationality that comes with being involved with a faith because despite it's many, many shortcomings, people are comforted by it. That they, however, still feed the need to shove that nonsense into the faces of others is absurd and downright hysterious. I think this man and probable daughter saw my annoyance at this point, but it didn't seem to slow them down any! She looked at me and said with all conviction that she would pray for my soul, that I find my path to the Lord and know the joys that his love brings. At this point, I couldn't hold back any longer. I started to laugh outright. I smiled again and, as matter-of-factly as I could, I said the following:

"Even were I remotely convinced that I had a soul at all, I wouldn't worry about it needing salvation. Between us? I'm not the one that needs to be saved! You two are the ones clinging to the myths and fairy tales of men written in the dark ages! Besides, even if there is a God, this relationship you have with him is completely one-sided! Your love is unrequited and that is not at all healthy. So please, do me a favor? Lay off this holier-than-thou bullshit. You want to stay a virgin until your Father decides to marry you off like some kind of bartering piece, by all means, enjoy!"

Having said that, I continued to walk away. Ironically, when I got home, I noticed that Religulous was on t.v. Bill Maher is absolutely brilliant in general, but it shines through quite strongly in his documentary.

Christmas time brings out all the crazies, I swear.

You don't see these people worrying about soldiers being senselessly masacred, nor do you hear them worrying about our ever-failing world economy. No, what's important to them is that your precious little hymen is in one piece for ol' J.C. up in heaven. Global warming? No, no, no, your priorities are all wrong! You should be worrying about finding a way to stop teenagers from wanting to have sex!

Anyways, I could go on about this for decades...and in fact, given this time of year, you probably will be hearing it again from me in the near future. By the way, I do hope those of you who are of practicing faith don't take this badly, I just get increasingly grump around the holidays. Besides, just as much as it is your right to believe in it, there's my right to ridicule you for it! Oh, what fun!

7 comments:

christina d said...

HAHAHAHAHHAHHAAHh bill mayer is SO funny

"yes yes yes they're ALL crazy!"

Simonne said...

Amen brother. (pun not intended, haha)

I have Jehovah witnesses knocking on my door every two weeks preaching about a different thing everytime. If I don't answer, they always slip in a pamphlet under my door.

Even my dad has become a religious freak. When I say freak, I'm not exagerrating. My dad left to become a hermit in Ohio, he's part of the Camaldolese community there. He's going to become a priest. He gets up at 4am, goes to bed a 7pm and goes to church 6 times a day. They are 6 or 7 people in this community in Ohio, and they can only talk to each other 2 hours a week. He can only communicate with me and my family so we can buy plane tickets for him. (He has to come back every 6 months because he's not a US citizen)

What I find pathetic is that he left for religion like someone crazy shuts out everything of their life. My grandma has alzemeir, my grandpa is senile, I just turned 18 and I have no parents anymore. My grandparents are the only family left, but they're not going to be here for long. He won't even see his parents before they die, he'd rather fucking pray for our souls so WE, atheists, can go to heaven because of him. Bullshit. Like we give a shit. My grandparents are pissed at him for leaving, and he still left. My grandpa wants him to see a psychologist and my grandma, who barely remembers anything, is mad and disappointed at him, and she is very religious. Wtf. You just don't abandon your family in times of need to pray your fucking god. ugh.

Anyways. I didn't mean to type up my life in here, and I didn't mean to rant so much, but it's just to say that I completely agree with you.


On the other hand, that video is hilarious
"I have a problem with all religions, that's what I'm saying" bahaha amazing

Athene said...

Totally justifiable. Ugh. And I understand completely. I get something similar almost every time I go out to get coffee at my favorite place. Ergh.

As far as the purity rings go (or whatever the fuck they're called), I hate those. Hate hate hate hate. The public(!) highschool I went to allowed a Christian group hand those out to us, separation of church and state be damned, and it was the most idiotic thing ever. Ergh.

People suck. I love your response to them though. You're wonderful, darling. <3

jav said...

Chrissy: You should watch more of his material, the guy is absolutely brilliant.

Simonne: I had no idea and I'm terribly sorry to hear that you have to endure such a thing! It's absolutely absurd to turn away from your flesh and blood for something so absolutely useless. It's selfish and honestly, it's childish. I'm flattered, however, that my rant evoked this!


Athene: Is that the official name for them? Purity rings? How utterly arrogant and completely unsurprising.

Kristen said...

Oh my goodness, Jason, I love all your blogs, but this one especially because I couldn't agree with you more! If they had approached me, I'd probably have said like..."What? Do I look like I'm a virgin?!" But you're far wittier than I can ever hope to be, but Bill Maher is probably wittier than us all. Love you, keep up the bloggin' and I will keep you informed as to what my reaction is when I watch the next eppy-sode of Dexter. God, I love him...Dexter, not Miguel...

Stefanie said...

how have i not read this blog before?! so happy i found you (and so soon after our random and spontaneous hangout!)

jav said...

Kristen: You can't keep flattering me like this! My ego is massive enough as is, the last thing we need is any growth. You're easily as witty as I am when you're not second guessing yourself! This episode will make your Dexter love shine through.

Miguel is a bitch. I love him, but the man is a bitch.


Stef: I have to admit, I only recently joined the blogger bandwagon! I'm glad you found me too! I think that night needs an encore, only this time I won't leave ultra early like the mega loser I am.